Emotions help us to take action, to survive, strike and avoid danger, to make decisions, to understand others. Emotions may be classified into 3 types. (source)
Core emotions are: sadness, fear, anger, joy, excitement and disgust. These emotions inform us about our environment. Am I safe or in danger? What do I need/want and don’t want? Am I sad? Am I hurt? What brings me pleasure? What disgusts me? What excites me?
Inhibitory emotions like anxiety, guilt, and shame, are another category of emotions that serve to bury, squash, and block core emotions.
Defenses are brilliant adaptations designed to help us survive painful experiences. They are meant to protect us from emotional discomfort. Habitually using defenses costs us our vitality and authenticity. Defenses include criticizing, procrastination, ‘don’t care’ attitude, blaming, over-eating, and addictions. List of common defenses
Purpose of the core emotions (picture):
- Sadness needs comfort.
- Anger wants to protect the self.
- Joy wants to be shared.
- Fear wants to run to safety/protection.
- Disgust wants to expel things that are toxic.
- Excitement wants to expand, celebrate, dance.
Why others behave negatively
Let us understand the underlying message when somebody is
Angry – They are expressing their need to have someone acknowledge the hurt and understand their pain. Being angry could also mean they have a standard/belief/perspective different from you; they expected more/better from you. Or it could be just they are defending themselves.
Criticizing – 1) They want to help you; 2) they have a parental caring attitude 3) they are just honest and straight-forward 4) they expect more from you 5) they are feeling fear and hence attacking 6) they are trying to get control 7) they are jealous and suffer from low self-esteem and are constantly competing and comparing themselves with others to try to feel good about themselves.
Blaming – Blamers don’t want to take responsibility for a problem. They find it easier to attack a person or situation than to tackle a problem. In acute cases, Blamers may have a ‘victim mentality’. The blaming functions to reinforce the belief that they can do nothing wrong or bad, and others are responsible for their difficulties. More deeply, it is a way for the person to avoid taking responsibility for their life. They protect their ego by always putting their fate in the hands of others.
Nagging – Nagging is sometimes done simply to get attention. Nagging may seem at times like a benign or maternal behaviour that has good intentions. But in the case of the neurotic naggers, they derive a sense of power and control by nagging people, usually their children and spouse. In fact, nagging at spouse is often a sign of hidden hostility. It can be used as a revenge strategy, or to express resentment and frustration.
Word for Meditations 