How to respond to day-to-day irritants
Are you getting irritated daily by people, situations or events such as:
- People appear as self-centered and are insensitive to your needs
- People behaving irrationally or unethically
- Others not doing their responsibilities or delaying things
- People violate basic traffic rules while you commute or create discomfort by honking horns etc.
To reduce irritations that you may get daily from people or unpleasant situations, you need to understand that we all live in an imperfect world, people’s reality and perspectives could be different from yours, and people’s personal standards for life may be different from what you have.
Causes
First, we need to accept that the world is not perfect. The planet that we live in is a broken planet and it is not heaven. Nothing works perfectly here – economy, health, relationships, systems, and people.
People have diverse backgrounds and experiences which shape their world, beliefs and behaviors. Not all people have long-term thinking nor had the right nurturing to create a harmonious life. Many people have grown in a hostile environment and were hurt deeply; they may hurt others too. There are people who were denied love and care. There are people who are stressed and worried most of the times. There are people who have no role-models or having negative role-models. It may be futile to expect high standards of behavior from such people. (We must be thankful to our parents and teachers who nurtured us to have good ethical standards.)
People are influenced by fake news, half-truths and wrong campaigns. People are attracted by ideas that promote self-interest and quick gratification. People are free to make choices and may make decisions fast without realizing the consequences of their actions. So, it is likely that some behaviors of people are self-centered and are based on short-term thinking.
For some people, certain behaviors have become habitual and they may not have any control over their habits.
If you are stressed, you may get irritated for silly reasons; then you need to destress, relax or slow down.
This means you need to identify triggers of irritations and insulate yourselves from its negative effects.
When people get irritated with behaviors of others, they may respond in ways such as the ones below:
- Getting angry and shouting at them
- Complaining (the system, the Govt, ..)
- Ignoring
- Feeling pain, but keep it to the heart
It is obvious that such responses are harmful and are to be avoided.
Approach
In some situations, you will be able to take remedial actions. When the person causing the irritation is known to you, you can give constructive feedback and initiate some actions that will prevent such behaviors. If the situation or the event is in your control, you may be able to prevent such triggering events happening again.
When the situation is not in your control, it is better to accept the situation or behavior and let go of any irritations that have been triggered. Understand that there could be some real but hidden causes for such behaviors. Show compassion and forgive them; pray for them and bless them. Don’t allow their negativity to spread to you. You better focus on your goals and move forward. Learn to live in an imperfect world with a high positive spirit, like a magnificent ship floating in muddy water.
Remember that past is past and it doesn’t exist anywhere; it is just a thought you are holding on to. Why should you allow a non-existing thing to cause pain? Minimize any energy attached to that thought and release it. Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy.
You can use Reframing techniques to change a negative experience into a positive one. You can also use Emotion Journaling to analyze your emotions and to take any corrective actions.
Reframing is an NLP tool to change a negative experience into a positive one by changing the frame of reference used to perceive that experience. It provides the means to take any given situation or experience and, by placing a different frame around it, change its meaning, either directly or by placing it in an alternative context in which it means something else.
Quotes
“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” Mahatma Gandhi
“People are not difficult, they are different.”
“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. … In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” Mother Teresa
Story: Buddha’s approach to forgiveness
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but fake.”
Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man. “Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?”
The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered,
“It would belong to me, because I bought the gift.”
The Buddha smiled and said: That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back to you.
Related articles
- Antidote for Anger | Hurt
- How to forgive easily
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