Are you getting triggered easily by others?
The message of anger is that an important rule or standard that you hold for your life has been violated by someone else, or maybe even by you. The positive purpose in anger is to protect yourself or others in the face of a threat to well-being. It helps you to communicate you have a better standard, rule or expectation. However, uncontrolled anger can destroy your relationships and health.
How to let go anger instantly
If you have the habit of over-reacting to unexpected setback, you can try a few tips below:
- Don’t deny that you’re angry. Let go of any hurt feelings that triggered anger. Dissipate the harmful energy of anger by any one technique:
- Count up to 10; or count from 100 to 1 in steps of 3; or chant your favourite mantra or short prayers such as ‘Help me Jesus’, until you cool off.
- Take a few deep breath
- Distract yourself by walking or doing something you like (hobbies)
- Write about it in a scrap paper or a journal
- Accept responsibility for the situation instead of blaming. Say to yourself ‘I am responsible’ several times to get back emotional control.
- Ask yourself “Is this anger or type of reaction serves any purpose for me?” Let go of any emotion that is not serving the purpose for you.
Analyze the situation
- Realize that you may have misinterpreted the situation completely, that your anger about this person breaking your rules may be based on the fact that they don’t know what’s most important to you (even though you believe they should).
- Realize that even if a person did violate one of your standards, your rules are not necessarily the “right” rules, even though you feel as strongly as you do about them.
- Ask yourself a more empowering question like “In the long run, is it true that this person really cares about me?” Interrupt the anger by asking yourself, “What can I learn from this? How can I communicate the importance of these standards I hold for myself to this person in a way that causes them to want to help me, and not violate my standards again in the future?”
For example, if you’re angry, change your perception—maybe this person really didn’t know your rules. Or change your procedure—maybe you didn’t effectively communicate your real needs. Or change your behavior—tell people up front, for example, “Hey, this is private. Please promise me you won’t share this with anybody; it’s really important to me.”
The above 3 tips are taken from Awaken the Giant within You by Tony Robbins.
More tips for quick results
- Be grateful for the various things in your life, big and small. This will make you happier and will reduce toxic chemicals in your body and the harmful effects of anger.
- Don’t allow others to make you feel guilty or angry thru their criticisms, blames or judgments. It is usually their own insecurities that cause others to try and make us feel guilty. Choose right now, not to allow anyone to make you feel guilty or angry.
- Feel compassion for the person who is making you mad. Put you in the other person’s shoes and try to understand his/her view points and beliefs.
- Remind yourself about your magnificence (you are a child of God and you want to exhibit His behaviors). Forgive, pray and bless the person hurting you.
- You really should not communicate when you are very angry. You should wait to cool off. Similarly, never send an email when you are really upset. If you’re really burning to say something, write it out and put it in your draft box for 24 hours before deciding to send it. And don’t be afraid to tell the person who has aggrieved you that you need a day or two to think about the issue.
- After feeling calmer, initiate steps to address the problem objectively. A rationale response is more likely to get the desired outcome.
- Decide to be assertive rather than aggressive.
Long term approach
- If the root cause of anger is stress, fear, anxiety, jealousy/envy, resentment, low self-esteem or hopelessness, let go of them.
- Buried emotions are a source of anger. Try to resolve mismatch in expectations and conflicts early enough to prevent bitterness taking roots.
- Certain angers triggered often may need an inner healing; go for a counselling or a spiritual retreat. Past events are past and dead; nobody can do anything with it. Drop all the gunny bags of past negative experiences you are carrying; let go all of them and feel the relief.
- If you are feeling anger or hurt often, it could also be because of your bloated ego or ‘entitlement mentality’. Keep ego under check; you may meditate on the Words of God on ‘humility’.
- Polish your skills such as relationship building, assertiveness, conflict resolution, persuasion, and influencing; then you may not get a chance to become angry!
Reduce sensitivity to criticism
- Don’t take criticisms personally
- Avoid justification that you are pure and innocent and other person is bad
- Don’t be extremely sensitive to the way you are treated by other people
- Don’t judge others (allow them to be what they are); remain neutral and detached when someone does or says something that you don’t agree with.
- Instead of justifying and continuing with your negative behaviour, replace negative thoughts with positive ones the moment that it is triggered.
How to deal with an angry person
If somebody is angry at you, note that they are just trying to defend themselves. They are expressing their need to have someone acknowledge the hurt and understand their pain. Perhaps you may tell the person “I understand exactly how you feel; if I was in your situation, I would feel the same way”. Showing that you empathize is one of the fastest ways to calm an angry person (Source: Kiss That Frog! By Brian Tracy).
Forgive, pray and bless
Forgive as if you forgive a child for its childish/immature behaviours; do pray for the person who made you angry; bless them. Send positive vibrations of love. Let others experience the true Christian Love. Know for sure that the love, blessings and the positive vibrations that you send out will come back to you (“You reap what you sow”). By forgiving the other person, you set yourself free. At any point of time, if the hurt feelings reappear, say “I forgive them and wish them well; May God bless them”. Enjoy the happiness, joy and inner peace that come with forgiving. Make it a habit to forgive and detach from the hurt feeling.
Meditate on the Words of God to control anger; also memorize it.
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:36)
Word for Meditations 